From Within Page 2

  Embree glared, walking past me and lifted her chin in a defiant way.

  Caiden glanced at me one more time before closing the door. His eyes had softened, no doubt apologizing for fucking Embree. I didn’t care what he did. As long as he protected himself. Who knew where she had been hours before.

  She slid through both of us like liquid cocaine, burning down our throats before settling into the pits of our stomachs. Embree was a fix I couldn’t kick until a moment ago. That thought threw me off.

  My body trembled, my world tilting on its axis. I didn’t know what was going on. I didn’t know how to fix it, whatever it was, but I knew I wanted…something. Anything. I found myself having a new addiction. Hope Charming. The thought of her had me on my knees, ready and willing for her to give me what I knew she could. What she wanted.

  Ignoring the sounds of muffled whimpers and moans, I grabbed my running shoes. Sticking the ear buds of my phone in my ears, I stretched my arms above my head. My body cracked, shooting a sharp pain up the length of my spine. Fuck, that felt good. Not as mind blowing as sex but it was something. I would use Embree later, when I became desperate. Caiden would make sure of it. She was like a disease and I wouldn’t be cured of her until I found that one.

  Hope.

  Shit. No way. Hope was nowhere to be found. Not in my little world anyways.

  Heading down the stairs of our three-story walk-up, I pounded my feet into the ground. The fast bass of the heavy metal seared its way into my soul. The boom of the deep music kept in time with the thump of my heart, as if they were in sync. The music flowed through me, connecting with every fiber of my being.

  Stumbling over my feet, I caught myself before falling face first onto the sidewalk. “Shit,” I mumbled.

  I caught my bearings and took a deep breath. Even thoughts of Hope would put me on my ass.

  Placing my hands on my burning thighs, I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants before rising back to my full height.

  The city was quiet in the mid-afternoon. A crack of thunder erupted in the distance, sending a shiver over my body.

  The moment I hit a block into my run, I rounded a corner and was hit full force with a scent. It was so strong, merely an inch in front of my face. My head whipped around, my eyes dancing back and forth. No one out of the ordinary stood out before me. But I couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched. The back of my neck tingled, the hairs standing on end. An ice cold sheen of sweat covered my skin and that was when I recognized the smell. Peaches and cream.

  Hope.

  Caiden

  SITTING ON the edge of the bed, I lit up a cigarette and dropped my head in my hands. Letting the acrid smoke fill my lungs, I sucked on the end of that stick like it was my lifeline. Like I needed it to live even though eventually it would kill me. I bit back a scoff.

  “Hey, Caiden.” Slender arms wrapped around my shoulders. A soft mouth placed light pecks on my neck. “I’m ready to go again if you are.”

  “Not going to happen.” I had already fucked the shit out of Embree once. That was enough for me.

  “Baby, please—”

  “I said no,” I snapped, pulling her roughly off of me.

  She huffed, pouted and rose from the bed. “You know, I expect Xander to be an asshole. It’s what he’s good at. But you, Caiden? It doesn’t suit you.” She left my bedroom, slamming the door shut behind her.

  I sighed, running my hands through my short black hair and took another drag of the cancer stick. A laugh escaped me. Cancer stick. Who the fuck came up with these names?

  After Xander turned Embree down, I knew something was wrong. He always gave in to her. But today, something was different. Something was off. With him. With me. With life. God, I was beginning to depress myself.

  Slumping back on the bed, I took the last drag before butting out the smoke on my tongue. A slight sting burned through my mouth, sending a shiver down my spine.

  “Mama. Daddy. Where are you?” I coughed, my eyes searing from the billowing black smoke. “Alec,” I called out.

  The raging flames erupted around me, engulfing the living room in an angry inferno.

  Skin burned. Flesh bubbled. Hair sizzled. The multiple scents wafted into my nose making me gag.

  I did this.

  It was my fault.

  All my fault.

  I gasped a breath, my lungs constricting at the memory I had tried so long ago to forget. But it felt just like yesterday. So many years ago I had set that fire in our fireplace. One small spark and the house and my family were destroyed. Because of me.

  Tears pricked at my eyes. Sitting up, my gaze slid to the floor length mirror in the corner of my bedroom. My dark eyes took on a sadness. A look I had never been able to let go of until I met her. But she wasn’t enough. No one ever would be. Enough.

  My phone chimed, letting me know that it was almost time.

  Stretching out my aching muscles, I couldn’t help but stare at the person standing in the mirror. Scars marred my body. Pink with jagged flesh, sometimes sensitive to the touch. I had tried getting them covered up by tattoos of all shapes and sizes but it didn’t work. I could still see the scars. An outsider looking in might not see them. They might only see the black ink covering my body, but I knew the burns were there. I could feel them. Every time I moved, they became tight.

  Closing the distance between me and my reflection, I grazed a finger down the mirror.

  It’s all your fault. They would still be alive if it wasn’t for you. You should have died in that fire. Not them. Your fault. All your—

  Before I could comprehend what I was doing, my fist landed hard against the glass of the mirror. Pain shot up the length of my forearm. Glass shattered to the floor, cracking in front of me. My face was now distorted in the reflection much like in real life. If only I could fix what had been done so many years ago.

  My phone chimed again, this time letting me know that she was here.

  Hope

  WATCHING XANDER Brant from afar killed me. It tore at my insides, ripping out my heart and soul. I wanted to go to him. I wanted to be with him but I couldn’t. Not yet. Not until Caiden gave me permission. Not that I had to listen to him but after everything we had been through, I needed some solace in my life. Some way to move on past the hurt and pain that was inflicted on me. By myself.

  I stood off in the shadows, watching Xander, my ex-boyfriend, pound his feet into the ground. His face, hard and determined, like he had wished the earth would swallow him up. He still looked like the boy I once loved but the air around him was thick with possessive desire. For whom, I wasn’t sure but I prayed he was thinking about me. Selfish as it may be, I wanted him to remember me forever. I knew he could have moved on, maybe he did already, but I also knew when I came back, his world would stop.

  My phone rang, vibrating in my hand and I took a breath when I saw it was Caiden. “Yeah.”

  “Well hello to you too, Hope.”

  “Sorry.” I sighed. “I didn’t mean to come off bitchy.”

  “It’s fine. I live with Xander remember? I’m used to it.”

  I winced, a cold flood of energy twisting in my gut. I was jealous. I would always be jealous of the relationship Caiden had with Xander. My bond with my ex would never be what they had. No matter how hard I had tried, I couldn’t become close with him.

  “Hope?”

  I cleared my throat. “Sorry. What’s up?”

  “Where are you?” Caiden’s deep voice dripped with concern.

  “In an alleyway,” I muttered, leaning against the brick wall.

  “Has he seen you?”

  “No. It’s a big city, Caid—”

  “But you saw him, didn’t you?”

  I let out a huff of frustration. “I swear you’re psychic.”

  He chuckled. “Xander tells me that all of the time.”

  “Please. Please stop talking about him,” I whispered, sliding down the wall. “It hurts too much.”

  “You
have to come see him. It’s only a matter of time before he figures out we’ve kept in touch. He’s going to destroy himself and no one else but you can make him see reason.”

  I scoffed. “You are the one he listens to. Not me.”

  “Hope,” he said, his deep voice gentle. “You know what I think about him. You’ve always known but he will never return those feelings.”

  “You can’t be so sure, Caiden. He could come around.” It would hurt but I would step aside for him. If it made Xander happy, that was all I cared about. He had been through too much for me to be the one to steal that happiness from him. I did it once. I refused to do it again.

  “I am sure. I am positive he will never feel the same way about me.”

  “You don’t know that, Caiden,” I insisted.

  “Yes, I do.”

  “How? Caid—”

  “He loves you, Hope. He’s always loved you. He still loves you. He pines after you and worships the ground you fucking walk on but when you come back, he will treat you like shit because that’s how he is. You hurt him, so he wants to hurt you back.”

  Tears threatened to burn my eyes. “I had no choice.”

  “You always have a choice. Remember my warning, Hope.” Caiden let out a heavy sigh. “I love you but Xander will always be my best friend first.”

  “I know.” I understood what he said. He would always put Xander’s feelings before mine. He would always have his back before mine. Bro’s before Ho’s and shit. I didn’t like it but I understood. “I wish I had what you two have.”

  He laughed. “No you don’t.”

  “Caiden…” I frowned.

  “It hurts. Our bond is fucking strong but it doesn’t make up for the fact he’s an ass and needs to learn to take care of himself.”

  “I know. But this is why we love him, isn’t it?” I said, trying to lighten the mood.

  “Yeah. I guess.” A couple seconds of silence passed between us before Caiden continued. “Know that when the timing is right, you will reveal yourself to him. It will be when he needs you most. And Hope?”

  “Yes?”

  “Don’t let him push you away. Whatever you do. Please. Promise me.”

  “I promise.”

  Xander

  WHAT. THE. Fuck?

  Tripping over my feet, I landed hard on the ground, the bite of the concrete ripping into my palms. The pain shot up my arms, spreading over my skin like a second layer, heating me from the inside.

  “Holy crap. Are you okay?”

  I winced, sitting back on my haunches and pulled the ear buds off of me that were now dangling around my neck. “Yeah,” I ground out and looked up, being met with the darkest eyes I had ever seen.

  The eyes warmed, full lips curving upwards. “Are you sure? You fell pretty hard,” the girl said.

  I nodded. “I’m fine. Just distracted.”

  “That happens. I get distracted all the time. My mama says I have ADHD when really, I just get bored.”

  I couldn’t help the lightness in my limbs as her words came out fast. All of her sentences rolled into one as she bounced lightly in place.

  “So what’s your name? I’m Shana Chase. I started grade nine and it fucking sucks.”

  I choked, rising to my feet. “That’s some candid language for someone your age.”

  She shrugged, blowing a loose strand of black hair off her pale face. “Life is too short. People get so worked up over swear words when there’s worse shit to worry about than that.”

  I stared at her long and hard before responding. “Who are you?”

  She frowned. “Did you fall hard? I already told you who I am.”

  I shook my head. “You said your name, not who you are.”

  “Uh…isn’t that the same thing?”

  Shit. Maybe I did fall harder than I thought. “You…how old are you?”

  “Fourteen. I’ll be fifteen in a month. I wish I was turning eighteen or something because than I would leave this stupid city.”

  “Why? What’s wrong with it?” I walked back towards my apartment building, needing a scalding hot shower to ease my aching bones.

  “I would like to live someplace I’ve never been before. Aren’t you going to tell me your name?” Shana followed alongside me, grilling me about my lack of manners.

  I sighed, wanting to be alone and not play babysitter to a kid. “Why would I do that?”

  “Because it’s proper etiquette. I tell you my name, you tell me yours.”

  “And we become lifelong friends?”

  “Wow. You sure are a bitter one, aren’t you?”

  Mentally counting to ten, I let out a sigh. “My name is Xander Brant.”

  “There you go.” She clapped her hands together. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

  “Wow. You sure are something else,” I stated, relaxing. It was refreshing, seeing the world through her eyes.

  “Yeah. That’s what my mama says. But I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not,” she mumbled.

  A laugh escaped my lips and for a moment, it shocked even me. I cleared my throat, composing myself. “Well, Shana, this is me,” I said, nodding towards my apartment building, not even realizing we had walked all that way already.

  “It was nice to meet you, Xander, even though you are a bitter one.”

  Rolling my eyes, I grumbled out a “thanks” and headed into the building.

  Her laughter rang out, setting my nerves at ease. I didn’t know much about her but I enjoyed the bubbly in-your-face personality. I found myself wanting to see her again. She’d be like the little sister I was never given. Never allowed as my parents were ripped out of my life faster than a fucking tornado destroying a city.

  Caiden opened the door before I had a chance to. “Hey, Zee. You good?”

  Not knowing how he knew I was there, I trudged my way into the apartment. “Embree still here?” I ignored his question, not in the mood to talk about myself and my feelings. No need for that kumbaya shit when I’d rather wallow in my self-pity.

  “No. She left about a half an hour ago,” he said, shutting the door behind me.

  I raised an eyebrow, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and took a swig before turning back to him. “How long was I gone for?”

  Caiden’s eyes narrowed. He leaned against the wall opposite me and kept his eyes trained on mine. “You were gone for a couple of hours.”

  “Huh. Didn’t feel that long.” I shrugged it off and headed down the hall when Caiden’s smooth voice stopped me.

  “We need to talk.”

  “About what?” I pulled off my shirt and that was when I felt the sting in my palms. Remembering my fall, heat radiated through my chest. Shana Chase was something else alright.

  “About earlier.”

  “Caiden, I know I’m fucking irresistible but I don’t swing that way,” I joked, ignoring the twinge of guilt in my gut.

  “I’m being serious, Xander,” he said, crossing his arms under his broad chest. The tattoos on his thick arms, protruded with the movement.

  I met his gaze. “Caid, I…”

  Heat swirled in his eyes before he looked away. “I know the way you swing but I also want you to know I am willing to do anything to help you through your demons.”

  “My demons are fine,” I snapped. I didn’t need any help and I sure as hell had no idea what he was talking about.

  “Listen, I—”

  “I don’t know what you’re referring to. I love you, man, but you are not making any sense.”

  He nodded once. “Fine. Enjoy your shower.”

  Anxiety tingled over my skin. Something changed between us while we continued our stare down. I didn’t know what it was. Did I even want to know? He was my best friend and I didn’t want anything changing that. “Caid, we good? I don’t—”

  “Yeah. We’re fine.” He quietly shut the door behind him, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

  My demons. I had none. Or the ones I did have, were
quiet. Dormant. Whatever this shit that was going on between Caiden and I was not weird. Not weird at all.

  ***

  (Caiden)

  I tried breathing through the smoke. The searing putrid scent that wafted into my nostrils. It was a smell so strong that it stuck.

  Pain beyond anything I had ever felt erupted through my being but all I could focus on was trying to find my family. “Mama,” I wheezed.

  Shielding my eyes, I headed down the hall, holding onto the wall for support.

  Sirens sounded in the distance but I knew, God, I knew with everything in me that they were too late. Even before I called 911, I knew.

  My fault.

  My. Fucking. Fault.

  I took a breath, digging my fingers into the palms of my hands as I eased my racing heart. The memories had been coming on fast lately. My body knew. My mind knew. It was almost time.

  “Caiden.”

  The soft voice sent a wave of desire spreading through me. It eased the impending panic attack. It helped me past my nightmare.

  I turned to the woman standing behind me, remembering the first words I had ever said to her. “This isn’t a relationship. I need someone to control. You need to submit. It’s a win win for both of us.”

  She glanced up at me through her light eyelashes and nodded once. “Yes. Please.”

  Beatrice Tenki had shown up to our apartment that first night after much encouragement from me. Texting back and forth was no longer cutting it as we had been doing it for months.

  It became a fast routine between us. She didn’t stay long. Bee never stayed long. She came and went as she pleased and it was how I wanted things between us. She was an addiction and I used her whenever I needed that fix. It wasn’t fair to her but she knew right away how things would be.

  I want you to come over. Wear a trench coat and nothing else. I need you tonight. I had texted her after Embree left, demanding for Bee to see me.

  She complied rather quickly, doing as I said.