Broken Scars Read online

  “No? Why not?” Lily asked, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “Because all of the women I have met aren’t worth having dinner with.” They wanted sex and that was it. So that was all I ever gave them.

  “And I am?” Lily asked, her cheeks reddening.

  “Yeah.” I grinned. “I think you are, Lily Pad.”

  Her smile widened. “Well, Lucas.” She lifted her glass of water, clinking it against mine. “Here’s to a new friendship.”

  I took a sip of my own water. Something told me that this would end up being far more than just friendship.

  ***

  (Lily)

  Something had bothered him tonight. It took me saying his name a couple of times before he heard me. My heart reached out to him. I wanted to hug him, soothe him from his pain but I also had no idea where to start. Lucas was a broken man. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that.

  He also knew I had cracked into his firewalls and wasn’t pissed over it. He probably made them easy to break through just to be funny.

  “What made you get into computers?” I asked Lucas once our food had arrived.

  “I spent a lot of time alone.” He shrugged. “It also kept me out of trouble. Well…at first anyway.”

  “I did the same. After my parents died, I moved in with my grandmother. I had to switch schools because of that so I had no friends. It was hard, but my computer kept me sane. At first anyway.” I winked, using his words.

  “I’m sorry to hear about your parents. I never met mine.”

  I paused in taking a bite of my garlic bread. “You didn’t? But you know they died.”

  “No.” Lucas took another sip of his water. “And yes, that’s all I know.” He stared down at his glass. “Right now, I wish this were a beer.”

  My stomach twisted. “I know that feeling all too well.”

  He met my gaze.

  Something passed between us at that moment. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I found that I liked it. Even though I didn’t know him that well and I also wasn’t sure how much I could trust him, this was nice. Lucas wasn’t like any of the other guys I had met or been with. He could actually carry a conversation without spinning it back to himself or sex. He seemed to actually care what I had to say.

  “Do you not drink?” Lucas asked.

  “No.” How much should I tell him? “I…uh…have an addictive personality. So it’s been hard balancing what’s right for me and what isn’t. Especially when it comes to alcohol.”

  He nodded. “I get it, Lily Pad. So, what’s your day job?”

  “Changing the subject?” I asked, smiling.

  “I figured this conversation was getting a little heavy.” He gave me a lopsided grin which made my stomach flutter.

  Clearing my throat, I pushed the noodles around on my plate with my fork. “I’m a receptionist. I actually work at the front desk at my grandmother’s retirement home. There hasn’t been a lot of hours lately though, so I’ve been living off of the money my parents left me now that I’m old enough to actually touch it. It’s funny though. I call it my grandmother’s retirement home, but I don’t think she’s actually ever stayed there.”

  “She doesn’t live there?”

  “No.” I laughed. “It’s a weird set-up. But she’s been volunteering there for years and has made quite a few friends. One of the doctors who no longer works there, thank goodness, put into her head that she was a burden on me and told her that she should move in there. I disagreed of course so we came to a decision to have her spend her time there when I’m not home. She’s perfectly capable of taking care of herself but just to be cautious, that’s what we decided to do. But sometimes it doesn’t always work out that way. She’s a stubborn one.”

  “I bet she is. You’re close with her, I imagine?”

  “Oh yes. I think you would like her. She’s a little…honest.” I grinned, shaking my head. “Not many people know how to take her.”

  “She sounds fun.” Lucas smirked.

  “She is. She actually mentioned you coming by.”

  Lucas raised an eyebrow. “You told her about me?”

  “Well, not exactly.” I sat back, crossing my arms under my chest. “I told her how we met, and she mentioned you coming over.” I pointed at him. “I don’t know where this is going, but I’d like to see. I have trust issues, but think that you could be worthwhile, to open up a little and try to trust a man again.”

  “Well, Lily Pad.” He gave me a small smile. “I could say the same. Is that why you looked me up? Because you didn’t trust me?”

  “I wanted to find out more information about you but you’re squeaky clean.”

  “No one is squeaky clean, Lily Pad.”

  “True.”

  The air grew thick between us “I play on the computer when I’m bored,” I blurted. “Google doesn’t cut it for me, so I’ve ventured into the dark web of all places. There are some unique people on there.”

  His laugh deepened. “Oh yeah. A guy contacted me once, asking how much I would charge him to tie him up and piss into his mouth.” Lucas shuddered. “I’m all for kink but that’s too much for me.”

  “Wow.” I grimaced.

  “Yeah. I never took him up on his offer.”

  “I can’t imagine why.” I giggled.

  Lucas’s grin grew. He glanced down at my mouth.

  I fidgeted in my seat, playing with the hem of my shirt. I wasn’t nervous at first but then Lucas would do or say something that made me blush and the butterflies would flutter through my stomach.

  “How do you like your food?” he asked, shoveling a forkful of pasta into his mouth.

  “It’s good.” And it really was.

  Once we were done eating, I offered to pay for my own meal.

  “You don’t have to,” he told me.

  “I know but I want to.” I pulled out my wallet and placed some cash on the table between us.

  Lucas hesitated but took the bills along with his own and sat them on top of the receipt.

  “Well, Lily. That was fun,” Lucas said, stuffing his hands in his pockets as we left the restaurant.

  “It was.” I smiled up at him. We stopped just outside, moving away from the entrance so we weren’t blocking it. “Thank you.”

  “We should do that again,” he offered, pushing a strand of loose hair behind my ear.

  I shivered at the soft contact, swaying toward him. “We should,” I whispered, licking my lips.

  His nostrils flared. He leaned down, his mouth mere inches from mine. Just when I thought he was going to kiss me, he placed a soft peck on my cheek instead.

  Before I could stop myself, I turned my head, my lips brushing over his.

  He stiffened, not pushing for more or less.

  I reached out, grabbed onto his shirt and pulled him closer.

  His body relaxed at that and he deepened the kiss, moving his hand to the back of my head.

  My lips parted, my tongue peeking out to get a taste. A hint. I needed his breath on my lips. But before that could happen, he pulled away.

  “Sweet, Lily,” he murmured, brushing his thumb over my bottom lip.

  “Lucas.” I wasn’t that sweet. I went to pull him even closer, but he grabbed my hands, stopping me.

  “I’ll see you later.” He kissed my knuckles. “Text me when you get home.” He dropped my hands and headed back toward his shop.

  I wanted to run after him. To demand to know why he stopped the kiss. To plead for…more? I wasn’t even sure but what I did know was that there was something about Lucas Crane that I was drawn to.

  Heading home, I couldn’t help but touch my lips every so often. His mouth had been soft but firm. Not what I was expecting at all. He was a big guy. I half expected the kiss to be rough and aggressive. And though it wasn’t, it made me crave him even more.

  When I reached my street, the hairs on the back of my neck rose but I refused to turn around. I knew it was Killian watching me from h
is black SUV. I wished he would just leave me alone. I didn’t care to hear his lame excuses. I would have never pursued a relationship if I’d known he was married. Every time he couldn’t make it to one of our dates, I had assumed it was because of his work as an FBI agent. God, I felt stupid, knowing that he was probably with his wife.

  As soon as I saw my house, a breath of relief left me. I picked up my pace, the SUV now driving past me. Then when it hit the corner of the street, it made a left turn, and I ran into my house.

  Me: I’m home.

  Lucas: Good.

  I smiled to myself that he had replied instantly, like he was waiting for my text to let him know that I was home safe and sound. I could get used to that sort of treatment.

  My grandma took that moment to pop her head out of the kitchen. She frowned. “Everything okay?”

  “Yes.” It was now. “What are you making at this hour?” I took a deep inhale. Whatever it was, smelled good. Even though I had just finished eating, I could definitely use some dessert.

  “I couldn’t sleep so I made your favorite.” Grandma headed back into the kitchen. “Banana bread with a hint of cinnamon.”

  I sighed, sitting at the kitchen table. “You know how to make me happy.”

  She laughed, placing a plate with a fresh piece on top of it. “Did you see that man again?”

  “Which one?” I blurted. “I mean…”

  Grandma laughed. “The new one you met the other night.”

  “Oh.” I took a bite of the fresh bread. “I did. We had supper together too.” I told my grandma all about it. Not that there was a lot to tell but I gave her the details that I knew. I was happy that Lucas seemed to love computers as much as I did. It made me wonder just how much he knew if he could put firewalls up like he did.

  I left the part out about him kissing me. Even though it was quick and gentle, something told me to keep that to myself at the moment.

  “I have Bridge tonight,” Grandma said, cleaning up the dishes and putting the fresh bread away.

  “At this hour?” I asked, noting the time on the microwave. It was after nine.

  “These people never sleep.” She winked.

  “You going to kick their asses again?” I asked, helping her.

  “Probably.” She shrugged. “Not sure yet though. Depends on my mood. I’m feeling a little feisty tonight though, so maybe.”

  I laughed, shaking my head and kissing her cheek. “Well, have fun. I’m taking the rest of the night off and doing nothing.”

  “You could call that man. Lucas is it?” she said, waggling her eyebrows.

  “Um…no.” Although the words left my mouth, calling him might not be such a bad idea.

  ***

  (Lucas)

  “Lucas, you need to give them what they want.” That voice. So gentle. So calm. Everything that I was not.

  I shook my head, shoving away from the onslaught of my attack.

  “Please, Lucas,” Mel pleaded, cupping my cheek. The scent of roses wafted into my nose, sending a hot shiver racing down my spine. “You have to take it. If you fight, it’ll only hurt more.”

  I knew that, but I ignored the advice anyway and kicked out.

  “Keep fighting me, boy.”

  Screams tore through me, ripping my throat to shreds. As much as I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction, I couldn’t help the sounds leaving my mouth. My body ached. My muscles jumped and twitched over my bones. Every inch of me felt like it was on fire.

  “You should have listened to me,” Mel sobbed.

  “Mel,” my voice croaked.

  “Next,” someone shouted.

  I fell to the filthy mattress beneath me. As the bed dipped behind me, I could no longer fight off the monsters that had made my life a living hell. All I could do was take it and survive. Although death didn’t sound too bad at the moment.

  Kill me. Please kill me.

  But they wouldn’t. No. This was more enjoyable for them.

  Our screams. Our cries. Our pleading for it to end.

  All of it only made them hurt us more. They enjoyed our submission. They preyed on the weak, forcing us immobile and pleading for mercy.

  I laughed. Mercy. Ha!

  “Is something funny, boy?”

  A sharp pain erupted through my backside. But I didn’t make a sound. I could no longer tell what was pain and what wasn’t. No sounds left my mouth. No cries. No pleading. Nothing.

  I gripped the mattress beneath me and took what I was given.

  My eyes shot open, the scent of roses drifting away with the remnants of my dream. Those damn roses were the only thing that kept me going for the longest time. The sweet scent was calming, knowing they represented a safer haven while my body was being torn apart.

  My skin was covered in a sheen of cold sweat. But all I could do was lay there. I checked the clock on my nightstand. It was pushing midnight. I wasn’t one to go to bed early, but I had grabbed my sketchbook to draw up some new tattoo ideas and must have passed out shortly after.

  Sitting up in bed, I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to ease the kink that had taken up permanent residence there since I was a kid.

  My past weighed heavily on my shoulders. Every now and again, I would think of her. I wondered if she was able to move on with her life. She would also come into my nightmares from time to time. I hoped she was able to get past the hell we had been through. She had been the only thing that kept me going as a kid. But death still would have been better.

  Checking my phone, I saw that I had one missed call from Lily. My body heated remembering the brief kiss we shared. I wanted more but I didn’t press her, and I also needed to rein in on that control I felt like I was losing since meeting her only a few days ago.

  Opening the text messages, I found the last one between us and typed up a quick text.

  Me: Sorry I missed your call.

  I put my phone down but it buzzed right away.

  Lily Pad: No problem. I was just bored and wanted someone to talk to.

  My dick jumped. It was interesting to me that she had chosen me over anyone else.

  Instead of texting, I gave her a call.

  “Miss me?” she asked, instead of giving me the traditional greeting.

  I chuckled. “Always.”

  She laughed. “It’s late. I should let you get some sleep.”

  “No.” My voice came out rough, like I had just gargled with broken glass.

  “Everything okay?”

  “I…” My chest tightened. “Nightmare.”

  “Ah. Yes. I’ve had many of those. They suck. A lot.”

  “They do.” I pushed myself up the bed and leaned against the headboard.

  “My parents died in a house fire.” Her breath hitched. “I was eight when it happened. I was sleeping. Scariest shit I’ve ever woken up to and I’ve woken up in some pretty shitty situations before.” She cleared her throat. “Anyway. I have nightmares about fire all the damn time.”

  “I have nightmares about my childhood.” I was not expecting to admit that. “I…uh…anyway, I’m sorry for your loss.”

  “Thank you but honestly? I love my grandma and know I have a better life because of her. Well…it didn’t start out that way, but she has the patience of a saint.” Lily sighed. “I really have no idea how she put up with me for this long.”

  I grunted.

  “Anyway, I’m here if you want to talk about your nightmares. We can compare stories.” She laughed lightly but there was no humor hidden in her voice.

  “Thank you, Lily Pad.” Just her telling me about her situation made me feel better. Even though I couldn’t give her a lot of my story, hearing her unbiased views helped. It helped a whole fucking lot. She was different than the previous women I had been with. She actually wanted to carry a conversation with me and not just have sex.

  “If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?”

  I was taken aback by Lily’s question. “Although I haven’t had
the opportunity to see all of the U.S., I’d like to go somewhere exotic like Fiji.”

  “Oh I would love that! I haven’t been to the beach in years.”

  We spent the rest of the night getting to know one another. It had been a long time since I just spoke to a woman about something other than what they liked in bed. It was a strictly platonic conversation, but I learned a whole lot more about Lily. How she loved to read and do crossword puzzles. I also learned that she hated working out but would do it just so she didn’t feel like a ‘lump on the couch.’ Everything I learned about her, I liked.

  We talked about our dreams and adventures that we would someday go on.

  Lily wasn’t like any other woman I had met before. She was breathtaking and patient. And kind. So damn kind. But I knew there was a layer of sass and seduction beneath her outer shell and I couldn’t wait to crack my way through it.

  Lily

  I HAD KNOWN LUCAS for a few weeks before I got the courage to ask him out again. Even though we had gone out for dinner once and spent every night chatting on the phone since then, something had changed. I found that I was beginning to trust him. Even if it was just small at first. Like when he told me that he was helping a friend make ends meet because she was dealt the short end at life. Or when he told me he’ll go to one of the known homeless areas in the city and hand out food, cigarettes, whatever the people needed to get by while they were down on their luck.

  Maybe he told me those things so my guard would be lowered. Either way, the more I spoke to him and got to know him, the more I wanted him.

  Whatever was passing between us had fast turned into a friendship and I found I liked it. I liked him. His company. Talking to him. When I bumped into him at the grocery store last week while my grandma was with me, there was a quick introduction, but I had ushered her away before she said something that I would end up regretting.

  “He’s pretty.” Grandma waggled her eyebrows.

  I shook my head, laughing.